THE STORY
I’m going to be real with you guys…I messed up this weekend. I knowingly and actively ignored the cries of caution from the Holy Spirit inside of me as I took yet another stride into the darkness. When I woke the next morning, I felt deeply ashamed. How had I let this happen? How had I allowed myself to make the same mistake I had sworn so vehemently never to make again?
Defeated, I wept for my own foolishness. I was scheduled to serve at kid’s church that morning, and, by some miracle, I was able to drag myself to church. The car ride there was filled with angst – how was I, who had erred so badly mere hours before, able to stand in front of a crowd of doe-eyed, innocent children, and teach them about our righteous God?
The morning went by as per usual, all the while the guilt was building up inside of me, reaching a point where I felt utterly disqualified to call myself a servant of Christ. Made weary by all of the emotion, I decided to take a nap when I returned home. Hours passed before I emerged from this emotional hibernation, by which time it was already too late for me to make my usual 4pm church service.
Reluctantly, I got ready to make the later 6pm service. I sat in an empty row at the back of the church, and wallowed in my own guilt.
Suddenly, a man interrupts the condemning conversation I was having with myself to ask if the seat next to me was free. I nod coyly as he fills the seat beside me. Rather a friendly and chatty fellow, the man asks how long I have been attending the church. When I return the question, I discover that this was his first time here.
After the service, the man starts asking me about how I am involved in the church. I explain to him that I volunteer at kid’s church in an underprivileged community. His face lights up, and he excitedly begins to tell me how he had served in an underprivileged community at the church in his hometown, and since moving to Cape Town, he has been looking for a similar project in which to get involved. Right then and there, I took down his contact details, and added a new recruit to our team.
THE LESSON
Do you know what I realised in that moment? I realised that, as unqualified and unworthy as I am to do the work of God, God still sees me through the pierced hands of Jesus. I am not made holy by what I do. I am made holy by whom I belong to.
You see, I was unworthy to serve God before I had even messed up over the weekend. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” – Romans 3:23. My actions do not determine my right standing before God, because no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to meet God’s holy standard. In an act of pure grace, Jesus reached out from heaven to fill the gap between my efforts and God’s standards. Through His act of love, I am made pure and blameless simply by the fact that I have accepted Jesus as my saviour. I do not lose my purity every time I stumble. No, no – Jesus took care of that once and for all when He died on a cross to save me. As long as I turn to Him with a repentant heart, His blameless blood will cover me and wash me clean of my sin once more.
As Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them”. Through my mistake, God saw an opportunity to show me that He still loves me, in spite of my sin, and used the opportunity to add another recruit to His mission of spreading the gospel.
We are too quick to disqualify ourselves. God knows that we will stumble from time to time – that’s why he sent Jesus to die for our sins. He does not want our mistakes to weigh down on us so heavily that it sinks us into a state of stagnation. He wants His love to free us from our burdens so that we might be free to fly to all the nations proclaiming His glory.
A guilty soul does not display a loving God. By allowing ourselves to be consumed by our mistakes, we are effectively hiding the light we are called to shine. Matthew 5:14 reads, “You are the light of the world – like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden”. Do not board up your windows and hide away in your own condemnation.
Instead, turn to God and allow Him to restore you to your former glory in Him. Allow Him to use you, inspite of your flaws. After all, “he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” – 2 Corinthians 12:9.
Go on. Allow God to reveal His strength in your weakness…
Student of Christ 